Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
