Just mADE A PArabola og urine
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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