you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
