well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
The power of my boobs compel you
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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