Me too!
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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