The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
