when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
