Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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