I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
