You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
