i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
