hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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