Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
