who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
