This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
