I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
