i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
