Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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