Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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