We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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