YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
