Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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