I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
