it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
