when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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