You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
