Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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