Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
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