i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
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