i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
