I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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