I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize