How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
