I molested 6 butterflies tonight
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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