none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Semen is not good for contacts.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
