Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
