I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
