wanna go halves on a baby?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
