Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
what is it with giant penises always finding me
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
