They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
