you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
