Apparently you make a good broom.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Randomize
