before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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