So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Randomize
