Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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