How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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