I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Randomize
