I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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