You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
