Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Found your dick twin last night
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
