pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
