need another drink. this is the easiest way
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
